This isn't an easy subject for me but I wanted to start out with it since after having my daughter it was the most difficult experience I have had to learn to deal with.
Sometimes I feel like my entire pregnancy experience and then birth experience is jaded after having expectations and things turned out completely different with birth. First weeks of morning sickness which medication didn't help much for, then a few weeks of feeling great and then I started having gall bladder attacks. At first the attacks were spaced further apart but soon I was having an attack per week, which turned into multiple attacks in a week. The Dr. we saw talked about surgery but since I was into my 3rd trimester at that point it wasn't an option. I ended up changing my diet completely to almost no fats, and taking different supplements to hopefully help. I ended up not having any attacks since 4 weeks prior to having her. Either way not much fun!
Many of you who have also had a c-section know all to well the saying "at least you have a healthy baby". In fact it get's said regularly coming from Mom's who haven't had a c-section. I know it is meant well but sometimes it hurts a lot!
So first things first, yes I'm super thankful that I have a healthy child. Emotionally and physically though I felt broken. The hardest part was the pain after surgery, while it wasn't bad it was a constant reminder that I hadn't had my baby vaginally and that is what I'd hoped for. As well as the constant thought "what could I have done differently if I had known she had flipped back to breech". I felt like I should have known and yet being a first time Mom I had no idea she had flipped breech 4 days prior to having her!
I think I cried more than I had in a really long time those first few months after I had her! Just thinking about it made it all come back and tears would be shed. Then I'd hear of Mom's who would just opt to have a c-section since they were tired, or it was easier and I'd get really upset because all I had wanted was a natural birth and I ended up having a c-section. I've had to learn to let it go, after all there is nothing I could change about
If you've had a c-section and have had your questions about it I highly recommend doing research, talk to your medical provider who did your delivery about reasons why and if they could have been prevented. One other thing that finally helped me cope with the reason why I had mine was going to see what my hospital records stated. There are still days I struggle with it but I've learned that information is powerful!
With that being said I'm currently in the research and reading stage again. It seems to go in phases, but once I start it's hard to stop for a while. I like to know what my options are and if at some point we may be blessed with another little one I hope that I may be able to have a better experience!
Some great sources of information I've found are:
http://spinningbabies.com/
http://www.improvingbirth.org/
http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156%3FSubscriptionId%3D04FYKDC4BW6PJ6HFG002%26tag%3Dinamaygaskina-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0553381156
http://ican-online.org/
There are obviously lots of other sites out there so feel free to share what you've found in the comments as well! Or feel free to ask questions :)
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